Back in my younger days, the shape or state of my body was never something I thought about or something that I could fathom having negative or positive feelings toward. I loved Nannas scones in abundance, playing on the beach in my swimsuit with siblings without a care…
Like many (most) women, as I got older, I became so much more self aware and more aware of my surroundings. My surroundings consisted of ads featuring unattainable bodies, targeted marketing campaigns for fad diets, movies and television shows featuring beyond-beautiful actresses (Maryanne in Gilligans island, Kelly in 90210, Melrose place etc etc). Also, other, older, cooler teenage girls talking about how they all needed to lose 5 kilos, for some reason. In a short period of time. I went from not thinking about my body to desiring a body other than my own in order to meet the sky-high expectations I was regularly exposed. There began the fad diets, excessive workouts, eat- repent- repeat cycle.
I know that I am not alone in the memory and or ongoing battle of poor body image…
Body image is a multifaceted concept comprised of; The way we see ourselves, …the way we feel about the how we look, the thoughts and beliefs we feel about our body …And the things we do ( behaviors) in relation to the way we look … a complex combination of thoughts actions and behaviors..
Research has shown that around 50% of young 13 year old American girls reported being unhappy with their body. This number grew to nearly 80% by the time girls reached 17 years of age… Nearly 80% of young teenage girls report fears of becoming fat! In one Switzerland study of 1000 adult women (aged 30-74 years), despite 73% of women falling within the normal weight range, more than 70% of these women expressed a desire to be thinner.
These thoughts themselves are closely associated with a range of negative outcomes, including depression and anxiety, low self esteem, weight control behaviours (e.g., fasting, diet pills, etc.)
Interpersonal problems, and much more….remember, your body is listening to you at every moment. Every negative thought you have is absorbed by your body. Your insides are listening, reacting, and storing the information you are giving it. This can lead to chronic pain, low immunity, increased cortisol levels just to list a few…. but how did/do we break the thought behavior cycle? So, you hate your body. Or maybe you just wish your body looked different. You’re not alone: Remember, Over 70% of women experience body dissatisfaction in their lifetimes. Learning to love your body when you really don’t is no easy task, believe me I have known the self judgement, expectation and lament… Going from “I hate my body” to something more positive will take time and conscious effort. Here are a few small, concrete ways to start:
There’s no recipe or list that can automatically tell you how to turn negative body thoughts into positive body image, but it can introduce you to healthier ways of looking at yourself and your body. The more you practice these new thought patterns, the better you will feel about who you are and the body you naturally have.
Commit to thinking differently…
The first step to changing how you feel about your body is committing to the change. You need to acknowledge that you have a negative relationship with your body and that you want to have a positive, healthy one. Tell yourself, “I want to have a positive relationship with my body.” It doesn’t matter if you’re critical of your weight, hair, height, skin color, the features on your face–your body is listening to it all. Work on cutting out the narrative that looking a certain way will make you happier. Before you can learn to love your body, you need to relinquish the idea that you wouldn’t feel sad, lonely, or rejected if you looked different. Is it for approval of others? Ask yourself this: Why do you want to look different?
Appreciate all that your body can do. Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you—running, dancing, breathing, laughing, dreaming, etc.
Stop judging other people’s bodies, period. You may not realize you’re doing it, but it’s one of the most destructive practices when it comes to body image. Comparison comes in many forms, from social media posts to television shows, or just being in the habit of continual comparison and judgement…For you to learn to love your body, you need to stop judging other people based on their bodies…. are bodies a valid measure of a person’s value????? You deserve to be loved and accepted in your exact body. So does everyone else.
All of the super-skinny, shiny, glamorous-looking celebrities and reality TV contestants you follow on Instagram? You might think they’re harmless to scroll by, but research shows us time and time again that exposure to media featuring unrealistic body types is linked to lower body image. Take control of what images and messages you allow into your brain. Take a good look at the accounts you are following. Do they make you feel empowered? Delete and add new accounts as necessary because what you surround yourself with influences you, no matter how immune you may think you are to those images…. it’s just so important to cleanse your social media feeds of anything that makes you feel bad about your body. ….don’t know where to start….look for and follow some body-positivity accounts. Here are a few great people and accounts to follow on Instagram that are big on body love: Jude Valentin (@mermaidqueenjude), Sonalee Rashatwar (@thefatsextherapist), Megan Jayne Crabbe (@bodyposipanda), Salty (@salty.world), Ev’Yan Whitney
Keep a top-ten list of things you like about yourself—things that aren’t related to how much you weigh or what you look like. Read your list often. Add to it as you become aware of more things to like about yourself. I like…. my thirst for knowledge, my olive complexion, my singing voice in the shower!
Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin-deep. When you feel good about yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful.
Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.
Look at yourself as a whole person. When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts. See yourself as you want others to see you — as a whole person.
Surround yourself with positive people. It is easier to feel good about yourself and your body when you are around others who are supportive and who recognize the importance of liking yourself just as you. Naturally in our current society, where everything is just a click away, most of us expect immediate gratification—and it’s easy for this to extend to weight loss., fitness, body image, self care…When we don’t see results fast enough, we get frustrated and blame our bodies for their sluggish response.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of focusing on what your body CAN’T do: It can’t shed kgs fast enough, it can’t move quickly or nimbly enough, it can’t look like girl on insta, I can’t run 5 km…..Take it one step at a time and set achievable goals from week to week. Eg; balancing on one leg for 20 seconds, found 3 push ups, walking 3 km. Anywhere is a good place to start..
The fact that you acknowledge you want to change is how you start to change. Congratulations. Acknowledgment is 50% of the journey! Try saying this to yourself: I deserve to be loved and accepted in this exact body. I will no longer entertain people or messages that tell me otherwise.
It is all about training your brain to associate your body with positive feelings. Make it a habit to treat your body with loving thoughts and actions and it’ll start to feel natural over time…
Make it a habit to do something good for your body every day. Maybe that’s setting aside a few minutes to just give yourself a face mask, a bath or a foot massage. Maybe it’s putting on your softest, fuzziest pair of socks to wear around the house. Maybe it’s doing a body scan or meditation or exercise class or putting on a full face of makeup and high heels for no reason other than it makes you feel good. A friend of mine inspires me every week with her ‘ glam Friday’ social media post. She dresses up and sings and dances around the kitchen! A highlight of my social media viewing!!! Our bodies and mind are primed for pleasure. The whole purpose of us having a body is for us to feel good…. that being said it’s important to reward our senses with tastes, sights, sounds and sensations that make us feel good. For me it’s yoga in the garden, a walk on the beach, diving under a wave, baked brussel sprouts and a good wine!
Try new experiences with your body and mind…
When we challenge our body to do something new, something outside of your comfort zone, you get to see and feel your body in a new and different way. Creating different neural circuits for motor pattern and memory by learning a new skill or having a new experience, allowing a flow of feel good endorphins by moving, learning and thinking in a new way. I am currently learning to play the singing bowls in order to give my family and friends a ‘ sound bath’. It’s a work in progress but I am enjoying the challenge.
Movement and breath awareness are personally a big one for me. Exercise is a natural way to increase energy, reduce stress, and keep our bodies healthy.
Working in the clinical setting as a physiotherapist I see the benefits of appropriate movement and exercise on chronic pain, posture, strength, function and so much more! In my blog about ‘ get smarter, younger and sexier’ I talk about some of the scientifically proven benefits of exercise… the most important factor though is How we think about exercise, the mindset and motivation behind it..when we look at exercise as a weight loss or body-shaping tool, we turn something that’s nourishing into something that’s hurtful and even hateful toward our body. Exercise as a way to love your body—not as a way to change or fight it. Stubbs says. “We move and develop strength in body and mind as a way to celebrate our body, not to beat it down until it’s into a shape that pleases us. After all it’s the only one we have!
Believe me, Learning to love your body will not happen overnight. Small daily rituals are key to moving forward on this journey and slowly training your mind over time to stop being so critical of your body. One excellent habit is a positive affirmation practice done in front of a mirror: Take a moment each morning to look at your full body and say something kind about it or a part of it you’re struggling with… overtime the affirmations will ring true in your head…
Some of us may struggle with body positivity, so…body neutrality can be surprisingly freeing. Sure, being happy as often as possible isn’t a bad thing, but being neutral allows your mind and emotions to rest—to find calm, balance, and inner peace.
Just be (at peace).
So… just BE… next time you’re in a less-than-nice mood and hating on yourself or someone or something else, take a pause to really determine whether it’s worth getting up in arms about. Does it really matter if your thighs are bigger than those of your favorite actress or that girl on insta? Or that your pants from six years ago feel a bit snug? What would happen if you just reacted in a neutral manner? Less reaction, less cortisol, less stress, less salt judgement!
All this being said, learning to love your body when you hate your body at the moment is not easy. Even when you understand why you should love your body rationally, getting there can sometimes take guidance. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist or coach who can support you on this journey, give you tailored advice, and catch you when you fall.
Build your support network.
While you ultimately have control over your own mindset, those around you could be influencing how you see yourself—maybe without you even realizing it. If there are friends, family, co-workers or other people in your life who tend to focus on your flaws and limitations, have a frank discussion about how their opinions are affecting your health, happiness and progress.
If you can start seeing your body as a friend and not an enemy, this will begin the shift for a new relationship with your body. It has done so much for you! Repeat this affirmation: “I am thankful for my body and all that it does for me!”
Having a healthy, optimistic sense of identity is what it’s all about!
Lisa x
